I’m new at this, so I don’t know what to do.
Which is ironically appropriate.
Where to start…..hmmmm. At the beginning, a very good place to start.
About 2 months ago, I started to speak out loud thoughts which I had been secretly harboring since about April: I’m a Junior Acting major at a (somewhat)renowned university and..well.. I don’t think I want to be an actor anymore. *GASP* And so at the ripe old age of 21 my mid-mid life crisis began (I believe that math means I will die at 84). Of course I couldn’t speak these sacrilegious thoughts to my fellow actors (and for the record I still haven’t), acting is an extremely competitive field and so one needs to be very driven and very certain about this chosen path, especially in school. My freshman class had 25 of us, close to 10 have left since then, either because they’ve changed their mind about acting or because they’ve transferred to a different school. Anyways, I didn’t confide in my friends in part because I was scared to admit it and in part because I was scared they would drop me. (Yes I know that was a very rational thought, I happen to be a very wise 21 year old).
Moving on, it came to be summer and I had all these mixed emotions and feelings inside me. They were unleashed about mid-June while on the Adriatic Sea in Croatia during a kayaking meltdown, it was not pretty. But, I was finally able to verbalize my thoughts and was no longer afraid to speak them. I soon realized that IDK-syndrom is actually pretty common and that most people, or at least those I talked to, had made at least one career choice change.
So slowly I am accepting that 1) I am allowed to be uncertain of what I want to do with my life, 2) my life isn’t over and 3) spending this summer and this upcoming school year searching for clarity will be fun…right?
Here I go.